Today Is Easy...Even If Tomorrow Isn't

     Today, it is easy to feel close to my son without feeling overwhelmingly sad. I feel genuinely blessed that I am the mother of a perfect son and that I have my very own, personal, guardian angel. Scotlin's spirit left his body last year (I plan on writing his whole story on his birthday on Wednesday) but I still feel him close by. Today, he is taking care of his momma and holding me up so that I can have this moment of strength, which doesn't come very often. I know that Heavenly Father is to thank for the good feelings I have. I know He sees my pain, I know He catches my tears, I know He sends friends to give me hugs and I know He cries with me because He knows, very intimately, the anguish that accompanies the death of a Son. And in those harsh moments when the light is hard to see and the despair is dragging me under, he reminds me that He's there for me and that if I reach out to Him and do the things He's asked of me He will pull me through. 

    Today, I feel so blessed that I got to hold Scotlin for a few hours. His tiny, precious body is a sweet reminder of the love God has for me. I haven't gotten to know his personality yet, but I love Scotlin as deeply as any mother loves her child. I can wait to see his eyes. I bet they're beautiful and blue like his daddy's. I can't wait to hear him call me "mommy". I can't wait to hold his perfect body again and squeeze him and tickle him and shower him with kisses. 

    Scotlin, please remember me and please be with me. I love you so so much and I'm working hard to get back to you. Send us gentle reminders that you're waiting for us. Don't let our memories of you fade. On the other side of the veil, keep rooting on your mom and dad, aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas and all your cousins. I know you're counting on us. We'll keep faith as you keep working hard to accomplish your mission. 

With all my love, Mommy

I held you for a moment but you touched my heart FOREVER!