"Community"

People often tell me I am "so strong". I usually refer to my rockin' awesome support system after such comments, because I know that without the people around me that offer love and compassion, I would not/could not be strong. I want to expound on that support system because it's not just the people I see or talk to on the phone that I consider members of my support community.   

When you hear the word "community" you may think of a neighborhood, or a county. When it comes to community health, though, it takes on a less physical meaning limited by geographic boundaries. "Community" is characterized by the following:

1 Membership- a sense of identity and belonging

2 Common Symbol Systems- similar language, rituals, and ceremonies

3 Shared values and norms

4 Mutual Influence- community members have influence and are influenced by each other

5 Shared needs and commitment to meeting them

6 Shared emotional connection- members share common history, experiences, and mutual support

I belong to communities of grieving and awareness for stillbirth; I identify myself as an angel-mommy.

I speak about my sons and I use rituals such as lighting candles, placing flowers at their graveside, and releasing balloons in their memory.  

I feel hurt and sad because someone I love has died. This is NORMAL. I value life; the fact that the loss of that life hurts me, allows me to identify with most of the population because most people have lost someone they love.

I am now influenced by death more than I used to be. My heart hurts to hear that someone has experienced a loss because I feel empathy for them; I have felt heartache before and that allows me to be an influence for others going through a similar experience.

I need to remember my boys. If you have lost someone you love, you probably work to remember them just like I work to remember my boys. Along with that need, I am committed to meet it regardless of whether someone else thinks it's a good idea. (Yes, there are people out there that  think pictures of my boys are morbid, or that writing/thinking about them is unhealthy--shows how much they know, right?)

Finally, I have a history of loss just like those in my community. We have experienced a similar suffering and work to support each other.

Now that I've explained my community to you, I'll tell you the part that maybe you wouldn't expect:

YOU are part of this community! You have or have not lost a child, mother, father, husband, sibling, or anyone else that you love. But by feeling something for me while I've been on this difficult journey, you have entered into a circle of many many others that have also felt something for this loss of life. 

So, for the take-home message today: I need support. I need love and encouragement. Just like I said in the beginning, I am strong! That strength comes from you. The little messages that let me know you're thinking of my boys are worth INFINITELY more than you will ever know. If you do these things, I appreciate it! It doesn't take much to help me remember that I'm not alone. Comment here, or follow my blog. Share my blog with your friends so that someone somewhere can be touched by this COMMUNITY and find much-needed strength and comfort.

Much Love, 

Whit