That Time of the Month Again

Here it is again, the 24th of the month. As I'm preparing to go to work for the night, I'm thinking about my little angel and about what a blessing he is in my life. Evan and I went to the cemetery and had a picnic with Scotlin for his 9 month birthday. I can't believe it's been 9 months since the day we held him in our arms for the first time. His precious, lifeless body that brought us so much joy but also so much sorrow. 

No pain in my life has equaled the moment I saw his motionless heart on the screen. When the doctor was speechless for any words except, "I'm sorry". When, after delivery, I held him for the first time and wanted it all to be a dream and that I'd see his chest rise and fall with breaths. When I handed my little boy to Mollie, the CNA, so she could take his body to the morgue. When I left the hospital and got in the car knowing I would have to walk into my house without him. When I went to the mortuary to dress him in white clothes that should have been for his blessing. When I greeted friends and family at the funeral and they met my son as he lay in his casket. When my brothers set his casket down at the cemetery knowing his body was going to be put into the cold ground. And finally, over the last 9 months as I've ached, cried, grieved, and mourned knowing that I have to make it through the rest of this life before I can see him again. 

However, I've never been more blessed to be a member of a church that believes that FAMILIES ARE FOREVER. I know that Scotlin grew inside me and his body had a spirit. His spirit left his body when his heart stopped beating and could no longer sustain life. But now he is my little boy on a mission for God, doing work to help bring His plan to action and to help others know Christ. No joy equals having a perfect son! No pain I have felt or will feel can ever take away the precious knowledge I have that I will see him again. I've been so blessed to have friends and family that love me and support Evan and me on this difficult journey. I know Scotlin is with us and I hope he'll be near me today especially. 

I hope my friend Sarah doesn't mind, but I'm going to borrow her poem. This is on the back of Benton's headstone. He's Scotlin's friend that passed away 8 days before Scotlin and they're buried right next to each other:

"What lasts?

Ice cream melts, Flowers wilt, The leaves of autumn fall.

Sunsets fade, Seasons change,  And children don't stay small.

Balloons pop, Snowfalls stop, Do summers last? Never!

Weekends fly, Today will die, but-Families are Forever!"

We love you little one!